My mental health journey and how I got help
There have been so many times I have wanted to tell this story but I hesitated for many reasons. I couldn’t find the right words to say, I struggled to paint a vivid picture without reliving trauma, I worried about what people might think of me if they learned my truth.
All of those are valid concerns. But I don’t care anymore. I’m here to share my truth.
I have clinical depression and adhd. These are biological conditions that affect my mental health. I am not self-diagnosed. I have worked with many professionals over the years. I actively seek treatment and therapy to aid me in my journey.
When it comes to mental health concerns, a lot of folks will ask “well how did it start?”
More or less, I don’t know but I have lots of thoughts about why. But first, I’d like to address that attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (adhd) is a chronic condition that begins at birth. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was an adult which is common for black women. Women often fly under the radar as we exhibit symptoms differently from men. Black women, especially, are under diagnosed due to stigmas in the black community. Plus, I am high-functioning, so even though I pass for “okay,” I have to do a lot of extra work to reach an end goal. My executive functioning skills are pretty much non-existent. (Read up on it, Google is free.)
Looking at my childhood and adolescence
My childhood was fairly healthy and happy. I didn’t experience mental, physical, or emotional abuse. However, if you look at a list of adverse childhood experiences, I’ve experienced a few of them.
Before 18 I’d witnessed a family member go through a mental health crisis; I’d had concerns about my parent’s impending divorce; and I’d had legitimate concerns about my family’s financial well-being. These experiences shaped my mindset and thought patterns, impacting me through depression, performance anxiety, emotional eating, and eventually unhealthy weight gain and PCOS.
Through my journey, I have learned that no one is perfect. Anyone claiming to be perfect or pretending to be perfect is not walking in their truth and will deal with consequences for said behavior. When I was a freshman in college, I decided to confront my truth by starting therapy at my university’s counseling center. This resulted in the start of my life-long journey of self-care through therapy and other resources. Here’s a glimpse into what it looked like for me:
Getting support through therapy
Being in therapy has made a world of difference for me but it wasn’t always easy. I’ve had 3 different therapists and it took me several years to find the one who serves me best.
My first therapy experience was not the best. I worked very briefly with someone who ended up switching jobs after we worked together for roughly two months. I mentioned my weaknesses and areas of concern to her and by the time I was ready to book another appointment, she was gone. If this happens to you, don’t worry. Sometimes it happens. Therapists are people just like we are. They will change jobs and/or leave their practice. It’s nothing against you, so don’t take it personally.
My second therapy experience was much better although I’m not sure my therapist understood some of the deeper rooted issues I was facing. To her defense, I also don’t think I had the terminology and framework to share my concerns about lifestyle choices that were detrimental to me. I mostly went to her for affirmation on how I was dealing with life’s daily struggles and arguments with friends, but we didn’t really get below the surface of issues I rarely even disclosed to her.
I had a terrible sleep schedule, I stress ate junk food a lot (and still do), I had a caffeine addiction, and for the most part I socially isolated myself from my peers due to social anxiety. I had this huge fear of relating to another human being because that meant I’d have to be vulnerable and accept my story too. At the time, I’m not sure many people knew what was going on with me. I had the duck syndrome down pat. On the outside I appeared to be calm and put together, but underneath the surface I was paddling like crazy and struggling almost daily. One time my anxiety got so bad to the point I had to call my dad so he could come rescue me from a panic attack I was having in the middle of the night at my school’s library.
If there’s anything you take away from this portion of my experience, let it be this: If you end up going to therapy, just tell the truth. The whole truth, nothing but the truth, and then some more. It will save you time and much needed energy. The reason I didn’t do it is because I was afraid of unraveling to the point I wouldn’t be able to continue my studies. If this is you and this is your case, that is fine. It is okay to take a break from school. You don’t have to graduate in 4 years or less. Who are you trying to please?
My third experience in therapy was the game changer. This therapist is the one I have been working with for 2+ years. She has served me so well by helping me work through deeply rooted issues, improving my conflict management skills, caring for myself and creating firm boundaries, and pointing me to proper resources to receive testing, diagnoses, and treatment through medication when I see fit. She is a licensed clinical social worker, so she is limited in what services she can offer in regards to clinical diagnosis and treatment. But, she has been there for me every step of the way including helping me communicate with my regular providers to advocate for myself. At first I saw her on a weekly basis for one month for us to get to know each other. Then we switched to bi-weekly sessions, then monthly sessions, and now I only see her on an as-needed basis. Each time my copay has been around $30-45 and I couldn’t be happier with the care I receive.
If you need an unbiased professional in your corner, I highly recommend working with a licensed therapist or a social worker. They can open doors for you and many of them have specializations in natural/holistic health which is how I found my provider. (More tips about how to find a therapist coming soon!)
Making the right lifestyle changes
While therapy can be an integral part in one’s mental health journey, it is not a cure all. Neither is medication. Therapy and meds are tools to support you but they only work if you do the things you’ve already been recommended to do for your well-being: sleep well, eat well, hydrate and exercise. Additionally, it’s recommended to accompany these habits with the skills you’re learning in therapy, such as: incorporating healthy coping techniques, doing what you can to prevent/reduce/and relieve stress, and ditching the habits that no longer serve you. Some habits I’ve had to kick are:
Drinking alcohol
Binge eating
Consuming caffeine
Bottling my emotions
Avoiding confrontation
Procrastinating (a never ending challenge)
Mindlessly scrolling on social media
Some practices I’ve picked up along the way that have helped me immensely include:
Stretching
Meditating
Journaling
Connecting with nature
Dancing
Crying more
Sitting with my emotions
Finding support groups
Sharing my story
Being transparent and honest about my struggles
Celebrating wins (even the small ones)
I haven’t completely mastered my healthy eating and exercise habits but my goal is to make each day better than the last. Sometimes that’s all you can do.
Growing in my spiritual journey
This is the part of the blog where you may find yourself uncomfortable depending on your faith background and beliefs. Please know that I am not telling you how to live, I am just sharing my faith, beliefs, and what works best for me. With that being said, take it how you want it. My intention is never to offend.
I wholeheartedly give all praise, glory, and honor to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. There would be no health or wealth in my life without my relationship with him that I choose to grow daily through prayer, worship, and reading the Bible. There have been so many dark moments in life where I know that I was saved by the grace of God. I have been through deep depressive episodes and have had days and weeks I considered ending it all. Instead, I chose life and obeyed God’s word because the purpose of my life is not for my own gain, but for the kingdom of Heaven. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Hit me up and let’s talk about Jesus 🙌🏾
Here are a few verses and prayers that have gotten me through my darkest hours. (Many of these came from the YouVersion Bible app which I highly recommend):
Inspired by 2 Corinthians 4:16 — Lord, please empower me to keep going when things become difficult. Please help me to trust You in these hardships. And through them, please bring about spiritual growth in me.
Inspired by John 7:18 — Lord, please show me how I can be a blessing. Fill my heart, so that I can encourage, inspire, and refresh other people.
Inspired by Psalms 1: 1-2 — Lord, please give me wisdom to choose my friends well. Help me surround myself with people who will always point me toward You and Your truth.
Inspired by Ephesians 4: 31-32 — Lord, please show me the harmful behaviors in my life that I need to get rid of. Empower me by Your Spirit to make this a priority. Please help me to replace any unhealthy behaviors with godly habits.
Inspired by Exodus 14: 14 — God, I know that You fight for Your people. And I know that You care for me and the situations I face. Right now, there are things in my life that are too big for me to handle. Please come and fight for me today. Remind me of Your presence and power.
Inspired by Nahum 1: 7 — God, help me to trust that You are good! You alone are my refuge in times of trouble. Please help me to run to You for safety and protection.
If this post resonated with you in any way, please share your thoughts and let me know. It is my aspiration to use my voice and life experience to uplift you and let you know that you are not alone. May you find peace, love, and support on your mental health journey.
Lots of love to you and yours! ❤️✨
Sincerely,
Takira
